How's everybody doing?
Well, here's my story. Mark has been attending a 12-Step meeting for almost 4 years now. Because of his recovery process, I have been working on my own recovery and kind of piggy-backing on his. We finally decided that I needed a program that was a little more specific to my needs (even though an addiction is an addiction and the steps are the same regardless of your drug of choice). So last month I started going to Overeaters Anonymous.
It took me a month to take the first step--Admitted we were powerless over food. I kept telling everyone that I wasn't "powerless", I made reasoned decisions when it came to what I eat and sometimes I just chose to eat things that weren't necessarily good for me (sugar, cheese, bread). I absolutely WASN'T compulsive! Well, about three weeks ago I had a binge. As binges go it wasn't massive, but it was definitely uncontrollable. It was like I was two people in mind, one saying "Oh no, don't eat that" and the other saying "SHUT UP, I'm eating this chocolate and you can't stop me!!!". The fact that I absolutely could not stop myself was incredibly revealing. I ate chocolate for three days, until I got very sick. That Saturday (my meetings are one Saturday), I admitted to the group that I am a compulsive overeater and that my life had become unmanageable.
For OA (that's Overeaters Anonymous) there are some definite differences from other addictions. If you are an alcoholic, you're sober when you stop drinking. However, as a food addict, you can't just stop eating! So there's your food plan which can be different from your diet plan, both of which are VERY different from your abstinence plan. In OA we are not "sober" we are abstinent. And abstinence means something different for everyone. For some it's sugar, for some it's when they eat or don't eat (no eating after 7:00 PM for example). It just really depends on how your addiction manifests itself.
Last week I figured out what abstinence looks like for me. Well, really it was something that the Holy Ghost gave me, 'cause I had been trying to figure it out for weeks, even before I did the first step. Anyway--for me, abstinence is eating for nutritional support, not for emotional support. Last week, for example, I spent Wednesday eating. I had cereal for breakfast, and a (wonderfully delicious) sandwich at Mom's house. I don't remember eating dinner, but I did go out and buy a very large frappucino with A LOT of sugar in it (however, I DID NOT eat ANY chocolate). I did all that, all day long, because I knew that the things I was eating would help to calm down the nervous feelings that I was having. That's eating for emotional support. Not a good thing for me to do.
Now, I have a line that I can clearly see. I should not have cheese on my hamburger, because cheese is not nutritionally supportive for me (the less I eat dairy, the more I realize how allergic I really am). I should not eat the bun on the hamburger, because the wheat flour is not a nutritional support for my body. Sugar is really poison. And it goes on like that. Because I know what will support my body nutritionally and what will not, my decision making process has become much clearer. And when I find myself craving another frappucino--I just have to ask myself what emotion I am trying to mask with sugar? (And then it just gets really complicated).
I had a really great weekend, and I am ready to tackle today.
So, how was your week?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday Meeting: Week 3
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5 comments:
I'm glad things have turned around for you! Great to figure out what you should and shouldn't eat; good step!
You REALLY do feel better when you eat the way you KNOW you should
Good going!
Julie, how was your week?
Dawney, I'm glad you were able to have a light bulb moment. I understand about the difference between emotional and nutritional eating. I'm glad I can still eat cheese!
My week was up and down. Some days motivated, some days not. However, I have lost 5 pounds since I started being more conscientious about what I eat. I have been trying to think of what kind of diet would be the best for me. I think watching my calories is the best way right now, and making healthy food choices. If I eat at home, I eat much better and lower calories. When I go out, I eat whatever I want that tastes good, and of course, higher calories.
I am exercising regularly. I try to run/elliptical M-F and I really think that has helped my body. I definitely eat better on the days that I exercise.
There has been a learning curve for me and I feel good about this week. I also won't be so hard on myself to lose so quickly. I guess slow is ok, as long as it does happen. I don't want to get stuck here. I must keep eating well, and for me, that means less sugar, not as much cereal, and being more deliberate with my snacking. Not just eating whenever, and then thinking I haven't eating. That's why the daily food journal has been good for me.
OK - Tatia's next!!! Tell us about your meal plan. You must add that to your exercise if you want to be successful.
Baby's crying. I must go.
Dawney, that was quite a post. I loved it. I think I will piggy back on to you. GREAT JOB!!!! Julie, Mom told me you have lost 10 pounds. Why have you not said anything about THAT?
Okay, when we were in CA - Dad and I ate dinner at Julie's. She always has hamburgers for lunch. This is the very first time I said, 'yes' I wanted cheese on my hamburger. (I thinkbecause, when asked, Dad popped up and said "no, she doesn't" and so my feelings kicked right in and I thought, it's my life, I can choose for myself - so I said "yes". Dad, "no you don't" - Me, "Yes I do." So I had my cheeseburger. It didn't make it taste any better, although everything was delicious. For dinner, we ate at CMp's -- Salmon, cut up fruit for salad, and asparagus! Delicious, as well.
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