If only I were a Dr. Seuss book...
This morning as I drove my little children to their school 4 blocks away (that's another blog) I was wearing my usual no-work day uniform... soft gray Army t-shirt, cotton pink pajama bottoms with little black bows from Victoria's Secret, wool socks, and to disguise my lack of any supportive clothing, a big white zip-up sweatshirt. Hair tousled from sleep, a smidgeon of makeup under the eyes...you get the picture. After dropping them off I decide to indulge in McDonalds cinnamon melts and a small coke so that I can sit in my car and read a book I am LOVING (This impulse was probably in response to my conversation with Candice late last night about eating oatmeal or eggs for breakfast every morning with only an occasional bowl of cereal thrown in for a treat) before beginning my day of 14 jobs.
It was then that I noticed that I was seriously out of gas and I had to drive the Middle School carpool in the next 20 minutes. After briefly cataloguing my appearance I decided to pretend I was a queen and make a very brief in-and-out stop at the gas station. Off I headed to the nearest gas station, which was, of course, filled to the brim with customers. Not stay-at-home mom customers, but men on their way to work customers. I pushed down the embarrassment with a gulp, told myself I was a queen, and stepped out of the car with my head held high and making sure I didn't make eye contact with anyone.
I put the nozzle in the gas thingy, swiped my card and prepared to jump back in the car when the machine made this terrible beeping noise that said "look at me". I tried to follow the instructions on the keypad as instructed (enter phone #) (swipe card) (invalid loyalty card) (enter phone #) (etc.) but with every push of a button the keypad beeped longer and louder. It was now saying "Everyone look over here at the stupid lady who can't work a keypad" Then finally the message everyone dreads scrolls across the screen, "Check with cashier". I said to myself, only sort of out loud, " I don't want to go see the cashier" I think the cashier heard me because over the LOUD SPEAKER comes the disembodied voice of this supposed cashier saying "YOUR CARD READS INSUFFICIENT FUNDS".
"Thank you so much" I say a little facetiously. As I replace the gas nozzle, screw on the cap, and close the lid I can't decide between continuing the "I am a queen" pretense or just laughing at the total humiliation of the entire experience. I gave up the pretense and chose laughter! So, if you needed a good laugh today, go ahead and laugh with me!
PS. Candice has lost 99.9% of her baby weight because of her diet, and ran 9 MILES yesterday in preparation for her half-marathon!!! HIP HIP HOORAY FOR CANDICE!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Oh, the embarrasing situations I put myself into...
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4 comments:
That was AWFULLY funny with a touch of embarrassemnt. My favorite sentence:
"without making eye contact with anyone"! That's my trick too.
What book are you reading??
does your elementary school start before your middle school??
I like the way you write. VERY intriguing and you drop ion the comedy in just the right places. It helps that it really happened - and it was hilarious! Good idea about laughing at the end.
I can totally see you at the gas station. I say, continue with the queen of england, that's what I do. You know, since I lived in Utah, I now will go out in public in my pajamas - mostly to walk to the dog in the morning, but it always reminds me of my Utah days.
Of all the things I tried to teach my children, I guess that was the best. "Just pretend you're the queen of England". I guess it works and I'm proud of you all.
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